What does it mean to receive and accept an engagement ring? Does acceptance of the ring mean it is a gift from the guy to the girl? Or is acceptance of the ring conditional on the requirement that you consent to the marriage? I recently read that a man is suing his ex-fiancee to get his $64k ring back after she broke off the engagement.
In my mind, the word “engagement” is synomous with the word “commitment.” A ring, in my mind, is a symbol of the commitment between the couple. In non-western cultures, other symbols or approaches are used to get engaged (i.e., this could include the guy’s family giving gifts to the bride-to-be’s family and asking for their acceptance). So, when a guy decides to be commited to a girl and gives her a ring, this should simply mean he has given her a “gift” of his commitment. And, when a girl decides to accept his gift and reciprocates her commitment, that constitutes the engagement phase. There is no requirement that a ring be given in order for an engagement to exist. Therefore, when a guy gives a girl a ring, that ring is simply a gift, no more no less.
So, to me, a gift is a gift. In legal terms, a gift should have no conditions attached to it; if it does, it would not be a gift. So, once a donor gifts the gift, he no longer has ownership over it. In summary, I think that it’s crazy to pursue legal actions to get a gift back once you’ve already gifted it to someone (even though it may be an expensive gift… such as a $64k ring… albeit this sounds to me like the gift was used to buy love instead of showing love). Notwithstanding the above, as a kind gesture, if you’ve changed your mind about a guy and the gift is that expensive, you should give back the ring out of courtesy.
Colors go a long way in displaying one’s culture. In the Chinese culture, for example, “red” is the color theme used for weddings. If you’ve been to a traditional Chinese wedding, red-galore! Almost every element of the wedding is in red. Brides are dressed in red from head to toe. There are also the invitations, envelopes, reception venue decor, you name it, all in red.
As I reflect on this, and compare it to our Western style weddings, it is actually quite beautiful. Each culture keeping its own tradition to showcase its values and history. It’s good to be different.
As I was watching the news today, I noticed that this man had a surname that was hyphenated (his name was captioned at the bottom of the t.v. screen). I noted to myself that this was kinda weird. I normally only see women with those types of surnames. Somehow it changed my impression of him…
I started to wonder how he came up with that surname. Was it because of:
- his mother’s maiden name, or
- his wife’s surname?
I’m not trying to suggest that it’s wrong for men to have hyphenated surnames, but it just makes people wonder. Somehow, it’s just not as “manly.”
Apparently a lot, since many brides nowadays question whether they should adopt their husband’s surname, keep their own, or opt for a compromise, meaning that they combine both their surname and their husband’s surname, separated by a hyphen.
The first option would keep with the tradition of marriage, and in many cultures, remains a requirement and not so much an option.
The second option might disconnect you from your “new” family and put you in a difficult situation at a time where you need to integrate.
The last option seems like a good compromise. That being said, the word says it all, “compromise” is just that, it’s a middle ground, no more no less. In addition, there are many considerations that need to be taken into account when choosing that last option:
- What will your children’s surname be?
- If you have daughters and they get married and choose to adopt the same philosophy as you, will that extend their surname too far? Meaning that their surname would in fact be a combination of three surnames. What about the generation after that?
- Would you expect your husband to change his surname to include yours also?
- Regarding general conventions, when someone wants to address you as a couple, they would normally write or say “To Mr. & Mrs. Johnson,” for instance. If both of you have a different surname, how would they address you two as a couple?
One of the main considerations for wanting to keep one’s surname is to perpetuate the family name as already mentioned and to keep one’s own identity. Indeed, in this society, aren’t we all equal? So, why do we have to pick one’s name over the other?
There are no right or wrong answers to this dilemma, as it depends on one’s set of values. That being said, one should keep in mind the far reaching implications of such a decision. Being married means being united. Having the same surname is a sign of unity. So what does it mean to have two different surnames?
For those considering changing their surnames, this kit might be useful: Official New Bride Name Change Kit.
The manner in which one seats relatives or important guests at a wedding reception could be a “costly” mistake if there is an accidental error in improperly seating them at a “non-important” table. It could even cause an uproar or sour a relationship.
One key thing to keep in mind is that the table arrangement should be done in a manner that allows guests to feel comfortable with each other. For example, place guests with similar interests or common backgrounds at the same table. The seating arrangement also gives an indication of whether guests are important to the bride and groom. If improperly placed at a table that does not reflect their status, this could indicate to the guests that they are not as relevant to the couple. My friend told me that at his wedding, a mistake was made in not placing one couple at the appropriate table. As a result, the couple got so mad that they left the city (since they flew in) without saying goodbye. My friend had a strained relationship with that couple for months and had to go through a lot of trouble to repair the misunderstanding.
My advice, whether you like it or not, there is a lot of politics involved in seating arrangements in terms of making guests feel they are given the respect they deserve and making them feel at ease.
Wedding favours should be fun and inexpensive since it is the thought that counts. One thing, however: make sure that whatever you give out will be appreciated from all the people that attend your wedding. I say that because most couples tend to give out only one gift. That gift might not be appreciated to the same extent depending on whether you are male, female, young, or old.
That being said, there are many ways to come up with ideas as to what to gift. If you are inviting people from abroad, you might want to give something that reflects the local culture. Alternatively, if you decide to hold your wedding during a special holiday (i.e., Christmas), you might want to add a Christmassy touch to your wedding favours.
In such ocassions, if you’re making your own wedding favours, the materials to make them could be easier found (i.e., gold and red cellophane wrapping paper are usually only available during Christmas) and could be cheaper (since there are more suppliers offering the same thing).
On a last note, while most of the wedding is about you, wedding favours should be about the guests. Or, in other words, you should give something they will want to keep and something that has meaning.
Finding a design and creating wedding invitations is one of the most important elements of planning a wedding because invitations provide guests with all the relevant details of the wedding. Most invitations use standard wording to describe things such as the location of the ceremony and reception, the date, and the number of guests invited. I’ve recently came across an invitation that was sent to my brother. In that invitation, details of the wedding ceremony and reception were provided. Also specified at the bottom of the card was the phrase “Do not bring gifts.” When I read that, I wasn’t sure if that meant come empty-handed or please give “cash” only.
These days, I can understand why couples request for cash gifts since weddings can be expensive and cash gifts can help cover for expenses related to the wedding event. If you want to receive cash gifts, I suggest you find a way to express that clearly in the invitation instead of stating it in an ambiguous manner because if that invitation was sent to me, I would have come empty-handed.
Wedding pictures provide everlasting memories of your wedding day. Some will go to great lengths in finding the right photographer to capture lasting moments of joy. This is rightly so since the photos will be all that’s left after the fun filled day.
Most will hire a photographer for the full day (from the bride’s house up to the reception night). Most will also rush to squeeze in as many events as possible and hope that the photographer will capture good images. What ends up happening as a result of rushing and squeezing events in is that the wedding pictures might end up not looking as good as one would have hoped.
An approach to avoid bad wedding photos is to take professional photos in advance of the wedding day – this will allow the couple to be in a relaxed mood and enjoy the shoot. For the photo shoot, both the bride and the groom would dress up as if it was their wedding day and take pictures at a location that captures their love for each other. These pictures will end up being nicer and this will also give the bride a chance to try her wedding dress (why wear it once when you can wear it twice!!?).
To summarize, the main idea to keep in mind is that there is a good time for everything. Wedding pictures of the groom and the bride should be taken ahead of time to allow the photographer to put all his/ her attention on the couple. The day of the wedding, the photographer should also be present, but this time, to capture the interactions that day.
Planning for your wedding or have some words of wisdom to share? Please give us your intake!
So, if you’ve already decided which season of the year you’d like to have your wedding day and you’ve got lots of family and friends that are flying in to attend your wedding, you should consider having the big day on a non-statutory holiday (because it could save you big bucks).
More often than enough, hotels tend to be fully booked on a weekend that begins or runs on the same week as a statutory holiday (i.e., July 4th weekend). Not only do hotels tend to be more expensive on holidays, there tends to be no reduced rates or special weekend packages. So, having the reception on a non-statutory holiday could save you hundreds or even thousands of dollars (if you intend to pay for your family’s hotel stay for the duration of your wedding weekend). It could even save your guests money and help them avoid the frustration of finding accommodation. For me, I’d tend to make my decision to attend or not attend a wedding partly based on cost (except if it’s a family wedding).
Obviously, if it’s a non-statutory holiday, your guests would have to take a day or two off work, but that can be easily remedied by giving them early notice.